agirlaguyandadog

Arrow,

Its not that I think its a pain in the ass-- its just that how do you really expect me to pay for this?

Mariana

*

Arrow,

Okay- so maybe you're right. I am a stingy prude. Go fuck yourself.

Your pissed off sister

*

Arrow,

Oh gosh. What a guilt trip. I'll try and go home- I just don't think its necessary-- I'll go home when my contract is up, I have SEVEN WEEKS OF VACATION.

The Stingy Prude.

*

Arrow,

You know, if I told Dad what you're doing, he'd tell you to leave me alone. You are really one to talk--but you are older and wiser--I am looking at tickets today. Send me your credit card number. ha.

The Brat.

*

Arrow,

No. Its out of the question.

Mariana

*

Arrow,

Yes-- waaaayyy too expensive.

M

*

Arrow,

Thank you so very much. I'll be seeing you in January at home. Deck the halls.

Your forever indebted little sister

Ps. Why did we have to go through all of that? Looking forward to seeing you on the 10th.

*

Oh please, can someone play the drums? A cymbal? Anything at all, so that I can say I had at least a small laugh at the joke of yesterday?

S&C...You're reading this aren't you? I'm not p-ed, why would I be....but I have to say what mighty effort you go through, just to protect me, who you have deemed fragile and wimpy.....BUT. I am Xena, Office Warrior Princess and I know how to walk in high heels and a swimsuit. Oh gosh-- I am a [i]little[/i] p-ed...I mean sheesh- all drama yesterday.

But I have to say thank you for always taking so much care of me.

And now. The punchline. The sweetness of my D. That he will be attentive to the details and see my face needed a joke, move over on a pillow. He knows and asks if I am too warm, hungry, low or high...tired. For me he is wonderfully delicious because of this, because he pays attention. Aware of what I may be thinking, what I might need, what interests me and how to please me.

And then he kissed me. and all in the world was right.

So why would I need anyone's permission to do the right thing?

Complacency. If I had known yesterday morning when he ran back into my bedroom that this would have been happening just hours later, I would have not let him go to work, I would have asked him to stay and hug me all day, to negate whatever I would feel when I hear this.

But I have to believe him- I have to because well then I will be no better then the faithless and jaded.

This world can be so sad--no one makes birthday cakes anymore, do they? From a box, from the movies, from some bad book you'll read on a train --The little prince was right when he said that it will not matter if no one else hears the stars laughing, because the truly necessary is invisible to the eyes--and that one person will hear the stars laughing and that will have been enough.

If you had to call someone from my past and ask them how they felt about me, no one would say they were my boyfriend, no one would even say they still loved me. I think about this this morning...

Why does he come with such heavy baggage? Who is this girl? Do I even want to think of these things?

I think B would say that he hates me. I think after much prodding, you may get him to say that he loves me, but that we ruined our relationship. He is plagued by dementia, however, and a depressed boy. I once asked him if he had ever been sober with me, and he said no. I think he may go on about a specific incident which involved a record. He probably won't answer his phone though.

I think M would tell you he loved me, immediately. If you pressed him, he may say that he was [i]in love [/i]with me, but then he will tell you if you ever try and catch me or tie me down, he'll kill you. He will then insist that you tell him everything about yourself and why you are calling. Then he will warn me that you are a dangerous person. He will deny that he is in love with me if I ask him, though.

I think J, my high school sweetness, would burst into song. I know the song-- "Brown Eyed Girl".

Okay.....my baggage is like a carry-on. D, why didn't you tell me you had checked so many bags? sigh.

Singapore girlfriends? Naked beachhouses falling down? Why is my life such a joke today?

S calls me. Then I cry and call C. She's not there, not answering.

C calls me at noon.

So you still have a girlfriend...and apparently you all are still going strong. Wow.

I think you meant what you said, I don't think you are this person...

Wow. I am so hurt and torn, your explanations may work on me...but then what?

How did he ever think this would be okay? I think of bad things I have done in my life---I've stolen. I once
told my stepmother I hated her. I've told a few lies. I stole some money once from my sister's wallet. I used to sneak out of my house in hs.....I've tried a few drugs..

Okay. But this? How did he even think this would be accomplished?

wow.

this is going to pass right? I won't remember how bad this hurt, right?

But what if I stay in love with you? I said what I meant, meant what I said,whatever, D- you will be the last man I kiss.

Where do I go from here?

a liar. Wow. I have never been this hurt. B left and I said oh well. and knew where I was, but this? ..this?

From the first time he kissed me I knew....but I never thought about him still belonging to someone else; I believed
him.
But if you were just lying to me....what did I do to deserve that?

Alright. Well, I'll be far away. You'll only know what you know from where you stand.

Maybe you meant it all, or maybe you didn't mean anything you said, but thats okay----- I'm still crazy over you, D.

and ow, this is painful..

but what if I'm going to be gone, you'll be in somewhere else, fall into someone else, and you will have settled for someone that wasn't me. Settled?.

But I knew the first time you kissed me. when you really are available.

My mom calls to say the beachhouse is severely damaged in a hurricane. She can't find my father. Then she tells me if I'd like to come home from SINGAPORE I can, but don't worry.

I'm not in Singapore.

This whole day has to be a joke, right? Nope...because then I bust a pen on my hand.

[b]Let's Stay Together [/b]
by Al Green

I, I'm so in love with you
Whatever you want to do
Is all right with me
'Cause you make me feel so brand new
And I want to spend my life with you

Since, since we've been together
Loving you forever
Is what I need
Let me be the one you come running to
I'll never be untrue

Let's, let's stay together
Lovin' you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad

Why, why some people break up
Then turn around and make up
I just can't see
You'd never do that to me (would you, baby)
Staying around you is all I see
(Here's what I want us to do)

(repeat to fade):
Let's, we oughta stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

I, I'm so in love with you
Whatever you want to do
Is all right with me
'Cause you make me feel so brand new
And I want to spend my life with you

Since, since we've been together
Loving you forever
Is what I need
Let me be the one you come running to
I'll never be untrue

Let's, let's stay together
Lovin' you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad

Why, why some people break up
Then turn around and make up
I just can't see
You'd never do that to me (would you, baby)
Staying around you is all I see
(Here's what I want us to do)

(repeat to fade):
Let's, we oughta stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

_________________________ _____________________
August 10.

The interconnectedness of airports never ceases to amaze me. You are here, then here, then there--all the time there will be almost no difference in where you are until you leave the premises of the airport itself. A taxi stand, an information kiosk, a sleepy looking kid. A check in desk. Signs and blinking televisions screens. People in a hurry, people standing around waiting for their luggage. Its usually no different then where you came from. In my senseless direction, I think I will be thinking of you.

I can't cross years and time to say that, 'yes- we will end up together.' You just work towards it, say you mean it, and continue boarding your planes on time.

So maybe I'll see you again. But if you don't come, and that turns into next summer, and then maybe next year- well, don't worry.

If this a dream or a crazy idea you let go too far, then thats okay also.

If nothing of this was real....then okay. I think all that matters now is that I think it happened, I will be in love with that and with you.

You are lovely, lovely and amazing.

Patrick Holland is 14 and wants to divorce his father for killing his mother.

*

My sister calls my apartment this morning at 9:00 am my time, 9:00pm her time.

*
Bug?

Yes.

You awake?

Um, yeah. I mean I was getting up--about to get up.

Oh. Good. I was just up having a night cap.

Isn't it barely 9 over there?

Yes. But Eric put the kids to bed. I'm watching Baby Einstein again.

Shit. Wierdo.

Oh whatever, you have to throw out your exciting movies and porn when you have kids--its the law.

So whats up?

I think I am a bad mother.

Um, excuse me?

Yes. I actually don't think-- I know that I am bad mother.

Um. What? You a bad mother? Are you crazy? You are an amazing person and mother-- your children are so well- um, trained.

Exactly. You know that today the neighbors kids were playing in the mud and Jackie came running home to tattle on them?

So what? You want her in the mud?

No. But I want them to be mischevious, to be kids.

What did Sam do?

He just stood there, acting shy. My children are going to be losers. They'll be made fun of. And people will call Sam a momma's boy. And Jackie is a tattle. Oh gosh, and they have never even fought with eachother!

You want them to fight?

Yes!

Um, are you serious?

No. I just feel like I am raising pansies.

*

[i]The conversation goes on. [/i]

Are they pansies? I don't really know. What makes you who you are? Your parents influence what they can--but aren't you predisposed to be someone?

I wake up finally when I step outside of the apartment building. And I remember this hilarious VH1 special saw on Britney Spears. Yeah, I watch VH1 sometimes..... The whole idea of the show was 'driven' to insinuate that she had so much drive to succeed. It was full of old music teachers, her preacher, her mom, and some old competition...It was generally sap. Clips of young Britney at Louisiana fairs singing her heart out. Pictures of her as a kid, performing in a nightgown.

But the thing that was most evident is how her mother wanted to defend how hard Britney worked. Her mom had some things to say about just wanting Britney to be a kid, and only following Britney's dreams when they pursued the Mickey Mouse thing and then later her career.

Hmmm. Just a thought- but what if someone had pushed you to perfom like that? I imagine your uneasiness in front of a crowd wears off over time, especially from the first steps you take on a stage. It will never be relived, you'll become numb to standing up there, the way the microphone fits in your hand will just become like holding a pencil. This will be your routine. You sing songs you don't quite understand--they aren't your lyrics, not what you think...but then someone will give you more of these songs and they will become what you think these songs mean, right?

Then you start making some money-- only a little at first, then a good steady trickle, and your parents decide its best to split the family so that your career can really begin.

You let stylists and makeup artists touch you everywhere, when you look at your cd cover, you don't look anything at all like what you really look like. And you're never scared in front of a crowd anymore.

Sometimes people say mean things about you and you don't know why. Your family uses all your money and people take advantage of you. You watch a VH1 special on you and you wonder when anyone asked you if it was alright. Your creative input is bust, because you long ago decided it was probably best for someone else to write your songs.

Then you're 21. Your whole life has been a moneymaking endeavor. Your angry and you don't know why, you have lost your innocence because thats what happens, right?

You'll never know who you could have been.

My sister isn't raising pansies. She is just raising children like any other parent. You make decisions because all you can think is what won't be harmful...consequences and thought processes, it seems-- go out the door.

I have to say I disagree with her ideas sometimes--because organic oatmeal is 6 dollars, the crappy stuff is 2 dollars. Because her kids love Mcnuggets but she insists they are vegans.

Oh well. At least we all weren't raised my Britney Spears' parents, right?

Dear Mariana,

Today I was thinking that I often disregard our correspondence, only to find I have much to say and no where to write it upon.

Your American friend President Cowboy should call me. I have quite the policy experience and have decided that I, as a supremely intelligent Belgian, could run your country better then he has done thus far.

I will have to make this short. I am thinking that there is something wrong in your family life, because that is when you become saddened and write disgustingly self-deprecating and whiney self-absorbing crap.

Having said this, I believe this is one of two things, or perhaps both of two things: You have decided to fixate on your status as only sane person in that lot of yours or you have convinced yourself that if anyone knew your family secrets (secrets? you fucking put them on the internet...) they would instantly not be in love with you....Hence, the grossly inadequate Betty Bender quote.

You fool. I will not even give you any leeway on this one. I think you have enough rope, so strangle yourself. My advice? Shut up- throw it in in conversation--

Like he will say, 'Darling lover girl, what would you like for dinner?'

and you can simply answer with this:

'Pumpkin. I think you should know my parents are highly entertaining but constantly battling one addiction or another. They once let the twelve year old drive for gods sake! (At this point laugh and throw your hands in the air) So anyway, I had a little too much fun in high school because they were to valium-ed up to note my misbehavior. I still have to have constant watch over them, if you love me you'll just have to witness and deal. Oh, yes-- depression runs in the family also--but not to worry, I have overcome a terribly traumatic episode with ease and now whenever the lithium is needed for one person or another, I am a pretty keen nut house nurse.'

And he will most undoubtedly continue ogling you and thinking that he is the luckiest person on earth.

Cross that fucking bridge when you get there. If he doesn't ask, you're not 'keeping' something from him: You're simply deciding that if he sticks around long enough to witness your mother and father throwing shoes and then kitchen utensils and alcohol at a pizza delivery man, he will--like I did, and your other friends have--still love you.

Stop your bitching, dear. You grew up lovely.

Love always, your M

*

M,

Ha. You nailed it. I haven't posted for a long time because of my own embarassment over the whine and cheese droplets.

Betty Bender was appropriate, you asshole. Mem called the other day and said things are getting bad. Dad's in HK. So I just extended my stay at home..We'll see how it all goes.

Yeah. So maybe I could just say it. But why even bother? My life and that life (Read: previous life) are all just what made me me. I just worry he'll be shocked. Ruined. Worried about what I could do...feel sorry for me? Be obligated if I tell secrets?

But not so worried. I was worried sick when my brother called...and had no one to tell that I was worried sick. I can tell C but she can't hear it all over again, because she has seen it and just chooses to ignore it, and say, 'Well thats life'. Which I do most of the time, except when I feel like its a bit too obviously affecting things in my life.

Oh pooey. I can whine all I want on my little world here.
I think everything is better at home--she just had one episode. No driving. Or pizza. Thanks for recalling that.. they are after all, somewhat endearing.

I love you terribly and miss you,

Mariana

*

Dear Mariana,

Oh darling. Shut the fuck up. Your parents are dazzling and hilarious.

And you grow up, right? You may always be able to fly home and see that they are not allowing your brother the car, credit cards, and guns, etc. but you cannot police them for the rest of your life. You father's work has always been a drain on everyone--your brother calls you because he trusts you, and knows you will come running. But---you have to hear this from someone: You will not always have to go running.

He will have to grow up, just as you did. You can't protect him.

Go home if it makes you feel better. Stay and mop up their messes. Give your brother rules and guidelines.

Write to me more often. I can't wait to see you this fall.

Love you,

M

*

Dear M,

You know you can be bossy. I'll go home and just check on things--no harm there.
Thanks for the friendship.

Mariana

*

Dearest Texan,

I have to write that because yesterday I saw a tshirt that read, "And on the 8th day God created Texas."

You really are full of yourselves. Don't thank me for friendship, make me famous and post my emails to your little bloggy. I've posted yours on my website, only to find that your writing is horrific and boring. If only you were a little slut, then we'd all actually enjoy reading of your adventures.

Love, M

Ha! I bet you liked that little subject line! So how's Chowtown? You know, I would just ignore that freak wonton and act like you have a husband.... I cannot BELIEVE he not only emailed you, but emailed you a horribly suggestive message...heeeheee, thanks for the forward, though....You know you love him.WARNING! This email is long, and riti-d out, and you'll need a bit to read it...

1. Thank you for yesterday, I was about to start crying, you saved me.

2. Thank you for answering my question because checking trranscripst online is stupid. (Read: Impossibly difficult) So, I tried to start an app to get my health ed certification, and well..wierd, but I actually did start crying. I just remembered all of the great teachers I've had in my life- and thought how happy anyone of them would be to know that I wanted my teaching certificate.......but Tada! To get it in Texas, there may be some fucking problems...because I had a little ticket-loo and a revoked licencia, well...I may need to wait a full calender year. What the fuck is this you say? Yeah, exactly...but apparently there are ways around it- so we shall see..BUT. To get it in New York State, all I need is- a bachelors degree....and TADA. So I could establish residency if....

3. Okay...Long explanation.

4. I miss you.

5. EDITED

6. My dad gets here today. Hopefully he will feed me. I am starving. I wanted chicken on a stick this morning....D was with me- so I had to hide my rhino away. Poor girl, all she wanted was a little chick-y claw. No, we didn't have any time.. Me, worrying about time? Ha. What is this boy doing to me?

7. About D---C, In know this may be insane but can you love someone form the first time you kiss them? I know thats the last thing you want to hear from little miss broken heart...but you know how I told you about how D makes me feel- like everything I knew was true but hadn't tasted yet? For him, wow. Okay- and this is absolutely the wierdest...I can't believe I am thinking this way. I am completely crazy for him. But what he does is just RIGHT. I have no doubts, ever- I just knew. How could I come all this way to fall into someone who lived a mile away from us??

8. I am learning the language script...yesterday I learned the middle consonants.., includes the letter D...and then the long vowels...which yes, includes the vowel sound /ao/ but its wierd because your name is a/d/o... Dao! Your name! But, now I can write it now! And I can recognize it also!! (By the way, my friends at volunteer think that we are crazy for having these funny names..everyone wants one, but no one can be Dao and Malee)
So now this morning and yesterday I was just pointing out all the middle consonants to D and I know he thought I had lost it. Jeez. I am lame, but you've known that for years.

9. I am a nerd.

10. Enough of the bull. No I mean Cow, Me the cow..

11. Yesterday when we got off the phone, K confronted me AGAIN- about talking to you in spanish, about why I 'seemed upset' about how she thought I didn't [i]want to [/i]know the important things I NEEDED to know, about how she was just trying to continue MY work to help me...And then she asks me to talk about it with her, so we could 'make sure and work it out'...because she 'just wanted me to know she was only here to help me.' (Okay....now comes the evil me talking, be warned...but this is AFTER she fucking went and told my boss that she had found some article she took off my FUCKING workstation, and then he comes and asks her about it and she CAN't EVEN EXPLAIN IT.. because I know codification law, and lets just remember she is an [i]'international defense' [/i] major.....AHHHHHHHHH!!!)

Why me? Why? I have never really had to work with someone I didn't like...I mean KCEV started to blow because of those ladies always up in my biz-naz, but the restuarant was so much fun, and Fred was so sweet all through college, and tutoring was a blast, and my jobs in high school -with the exception of working for that ass Jesse and then for my little bro at the pool- well, they were all fun- and rewarding, and no one could make me have a bad day, ever.

But this time------ you would be so proud! I said:

...drum roll...

"Look, K..I don't want you coming to me and asking me if I have a problem with you and if I want to talk about it---(that part said sarcastically, to mimic her whiney voice), because I do have MANY problems with your behavior here.(that part said very seriously) If you want me to fucking say so, then we can have that little talk.(looked her right in the eye!) If not, then lets just keep playing nice, okay?"

hoootieee hooo...!

Yes.

Then she said, "But look, I just want to say that I don't want to come off as..."

Then I cut her off, and said "You already came off as that Kay. I think this conversation is over."

She was stunned. She said [i]this[/i] though

(and ewww, I wanted to throw my Tarzan pencil holder cup at her)

"Well." (she makes a little [i]hmphhh[/i] sound) And then she says:

"I am sorry I come here everyday. I am sorry I do work. I don't have fun things to do. My friends aren't here. I don't drink like you. I'm just trying to do my job."

So I answer with :

"I'm really not going to be petty and have some dramatic blow out with you K, I don't want to waste my time and energy on that. I don't like this confrontation one bit, can we please stop?"

"I wasn't trying..."

"Okay then" (I cut her off AGAIN!..Dang I am good.)

She leaves.


So, because I am Xena, Warrior Office Princess, I think, [i]'wow..she's out of my hair now, for good![/i]' I thought I had done it, you know-exterminated her??

But...give the Toucan five minutes and she comes back into my cubicle area (where I am still sort of laughing about how good it felt to say those things to her finally. Yes, I know I know- You told me so. But I needed a good long time to get that upset, I wish I had balls...but I don't at all, and finally I said something!!! Woooohooo!)

So she comes back...and she asks me if I want some dam motherfucking cookies.

sigh.

Ignorance, as in her racial comments-- I can take. Stealing my work and passing it off as her own--I can handle that. Ratting on me to the boss- I can take. Working under/behind me instead of following my directions---No problem. Talking smack about my university, my clothes, my typing, my friends, my room, my fucking [i]backpack[/i]...---I can take that too. Rolling her eyes when I ask her to do a job----OKay. Hiding important information from me--Its all good.

But who can take someone who offers you cookies?????

***LONG DRAWN OUT SCREAM***

heeheeehheee.
Okay. All done...Oh, wait..I forgot number 12.

12. Call me and I'll tell you...

Miss you terribly, and am dying of boredom in my office..

Mariana

(My baby brother, Mem, is fourteen....)

Mariana?

Hey!

Hey.

Whats going on? How are you?

Fine...

Mem?

Yeah?

Wassup? Are you okay? I talked to mom just like two days ago.

I think this girl across the street from the beach house kind of likes me.

O.

Yeah. But then she acts really mean. Like she told some girls from the other dock street that I was all into her....but I was just acting normal...so I said that..and now she won't call me back...and her little sister threw me the finger.

Ouch. Did you do anything?

I just called her. I feel like she's just a liar, because I thought we liked eachother and then she acts like this- she won't act normal anymore. And the grandkids are here and I am so sick of them...I can't do anything, ever. Mom acts like I am a prisoner.

She can be pretty evil, I know...

yeah.

So what do you think you should do?

I think I want to throw something at this little sister.

I do too. But don't, okay?

Yeah.

mem?

Yeah?

You may think I am crazy, but just act like you don't like her. Don't say anything bad, or do anything mean, just ignore her- don't call her. And she'll come around. If she doesn't- well, then she's just not your girl.

Ignore her?? But she acted like I was bad for saying we were just friends.

Yeah. Girls. But now, just ignore her. She'll come around.

Okay. If you think so.

Yeah, I do. Anyway--is eveyrthing else okay?

I think so.

I liked hearing from you.

I can call you--I bought this phone card thing, I can use on my cell phone.

My cell phone.

Your old cell phone. ( He laughs)

Mem, be cool- your summer's fun?

Yes. I miss you.

I miss you too.

Bye, I love you.

I love you too bye bye Mem. Call me whenever

ok, bye.

*


GIRLS!! WHAT THE ...? Why, why why? Its odd that this happens, while I am on my lunch hour- my kid brother, who I love so much, calls me, I mean- because it was on my mind.

Last night, D and I are talking about getting your heart broken. From what he says, I feel like throwing something at this girl, I feel like he knows exactly what I mean when I say my heart...well..it just ceased, stopped, couldn't breath, everything was out of the question..he goes on to talk about some episode that sounds like girl drama... I say, 'it kind of sounds like you've had a past with some dramatic girls'
he says, 'well, you know....girls....'
I say, 'some.'

My philosophy? Write this one down, or argue with me-- I'm cool--but here's what I think after years of observation of my own behavior, and as a priveleged member of the girl species, well--watching other women/girls/etc...

Here's the way it goes: Girls. You like them, they're amazing, fun, everything..then you kiss them..and suddenly--may be years, may be two minutes--thinks aren't so cool.

Why? 2 very apparent reasons, with the third option only for extreme cases.

1) insecurities
2) obligatory end syndrome
3) either you or she, or both, are insane, commited...turned into a goat by an evil ghoul, whatever..we'll make this the extreme case that covers all cases that don't appl to reason 1 and 2, okay?

1) [u]Insecurities[/u]. The second you kiss us, every insecurity we've ever had is augmented. It sucks, but girls- we do this. I may have never thought of how little my breasts are before D kissed me, but after...well. My insecurities?
a-my breasts
b-i am racially sensitive
c-being from a big family, i sometimes tend to feel like no one is listening to me.

Okay. So... I fucking OWN these things. I know they are me, and thats it. So no drama from them...but other girls...well sometimes we can be whack as a result of insecurity issues... and you may never know what set them off, right? It could be some tiny thing you did/touched/said/moved/wh atever..but you hit it, and then didn't apologize for it, and so we want to be whack. And it ends...as a result of misbehavior from insecurities and your not knowing how to handle said insecurities.

2)[u]Obligatory end syndrome[/u]. Most women, though many many many will not admit it are 'end' visualizers...they see well, an ending to the story they begin. So some, they like you/kiss you and then think of babies and wedding dresses...some think of a fuck buddy to be drunk with...some think of a friend to kiss on sometimes and use...some think of a relationship of holding hands...[i]Whatever they think[/i]...these are just examples--All of us may vary. But when that end is not accomplished, or you get in the way---well, in comes the drama. In the case of my brother Mem--I think little girl next door thought she had snagged a boyfriend, my kid brother in his naivety thought they'd continue to be friends and get to know eachother..he screwed that by saying so to mutual friends...and now she has drama to throw out.

Now....how do I deal with these things?*

*Note: I will not tell you how to deal...I only know what I know...I just want to share..I wish you luck, though..

I don't. Weeellll, I do...but I don't. I know my insecurities fairly well.. they are a distinct part of me, my definitions are very clear- I know what will set them off, and I try and not blame others when they are set off. Hence, no drama.

Obligatory-end syndrome? Don't have it. I've seen it go down far too many times. My idea of an end is not an end...You will, inevitably--and through no fault of yours or anyone elses--end up where you should end up. Imagining and depending on and end will only get you in trouble..even if you do it subconsciously. I ask myself, What do I want from this person? My answer should be nothing at all. But not negatively-- I mean, how could I want anything else? You should be happy with the person you choose to like/kiss/etc etc...not expecting/obligating more. Now, this doesn't mean you're meak and weak etc etc....It means you understand their weaknesses, you know they will hold your hand through where you're going, you want their happiness before yours, you don't stop believing in them, they pull their share, and so forth. At fourteen or at 104, its all the same: Love people, they'll love you back. Be smart about who you choose to share your self with, they'll appreciate it. Don't hold things against people. Have no grey area- Make sure that he or she wakes up and has faith in you.


Yes... I really, at the end of the day, may fool myself into knowing something. But I don't pretend to know anything at all--- all i know is what i know from where i stand.

and I don't like little girls who toy with my brother's emotions.

I love waking up to D.