(My baby brother, Mem, is fourteen....)

Mariana?

Hey!

Hey.

Whats going on? How are you?

Fine...

Mem?

Yeah?

Wassup? Are you okay? I talked to mom just like two days ago.

I think this girl across the street from the beach house kind of likes me.

O.

Yeah. But then she acts really mean. Like she told some girls from the other dock street that I was all into her....but I was just acting normal...so I said that..and now she won't call me back...and her little sister threw me the finger.

Ouch. Did you do anything?

I just called her. I feel like she's just a liar, because I thought we liked eachother and then she acts like this- she won't act normal anymore. And the grandkids are here and I am so sick of them...I can't do anything, ever. Mom acts like I am a prisoner.

She can be pretty evil, I know...

yeah.

So what do you think you should do?

I think I want to throw something at this little sister.

I do too. But don't, okay?

Yeah.

mem?

Yeah?

You may think I am crazy, but just act like you don't like her. Don't say anything bad, or do anything mean, just ignore her- don't call her. And she'll come around. If she doesn't- well, then she's just not your girl.

Ignore her?? But she acted like I was bad for saying we were just friends.

Yeah. Girls. But now, just ignore her. She'll come around.

Okay. If you think so.

Yeah, I do. Anyway--is eveyrthing else okay?

I think so.

I liked hearing from you.

I can call you--I bought this phone card thing, I can use on my cell phone.

My cell phone.

Your old cell phone. ( He laughs)

Mem, be cool- your summer's fun?

Yes. I miss you.

I miss you too.

Bye, I love you.

I love you too bye bye Mem. Call me whenever

ok, bye.

*


GIRLS!! WHAT THE ...? Why, why why? Its odd that this happens, while I am on my lunch hour- my kid brother, who I love so much, calls me, I mean- because it was on my mind.

Last night, D and I are talking about getting your heart broken. From what he says, I feel like throwing something at this girl, I feel like he knows exactly what I mean when I say my heart...well..it just ceased, stopped, couldn't breath, everything was out of the question..he goes on to talk about some episode that sounds like girl drama... I say, 'it kind of sounds like you've had a past with some dramatic girls'
he says, 'well, you know....girls....'
I say, 'some.'

My philosophy? Write this one down, or argue with me-- I'm cool--but here's what I think after years of observation of my own behavior, and as a priveleged member of the girl species, well--watching other women/girls/etc...

Here's the way it goes: Girls. You like them, they're amazing, fun, everything..then you kiss them..and suddenly--may be years, may be two minutes--thinks aren't so cool.

Why? 2 very apparent reasons, with the third option only for extreme cases.

1) insecurities
2) obligatory end syndrome
3) either you or she, or both, are insane, commited...turned into a goat by an evil ghoul, whatever..we'll make this the extreme case that covers all cases that don't appl to reason 1 and 2, okay?

1) [u]Insecurities[/u]. The second you kiss us, every insecurity we've ever had is augmented. It sucks, but girls- we do this. I may have never thought of how little my breasts are before D kissed me, but after...well. My insecurities?
a-my breasts
b-i am racially sensitive
c-being from a big family, i sometimes tend to feel like no one is listening to me.

Okay. So... I fucking OWN these things. I know they are me, and thats it. So no drama from them...but other girls...well sometimes we can be whack as a result of insecurity issues... and you may never know what set them off, right? It could be some tiny thing you did/touched/said/moved/wh atever..but you hit it, and then didn't apologize for it, and so we want to be whack. And it ends...as a result of misbehavior from insecurities and your not knowing how to handle said insecurities.

2)[u]Obligatory end syndrome[/u]. Most women, though many many many will not admit it are 'end' visualizers...they see well, an ending to the story they begin. So some, they like you/kiss you and then think of babies and wedding dresses...some think of a fuck buddy to be drunk with...some think of a friend to kiss on sometimes and use...some think of a relationship of holding hands...[i]Whatever they think[/i]...these are just examples--All of us may vary. But when that end is not accomplished, or you get in the way---well, in comes the drama. In the case of my brother Mem--I think little girl next door thought she had snagged a boyfriend, my kid brother in his naivety thought they'd continue to be friends and get to know eachother..he screwed that by saying so to mutual friends...and now she has drama to throw out.

Now....how do I deal with these things?*

*Note: I will not tell you how to deal...I only know what I know...I just want to share..I wish you luck, though..

I don't. Weeellll, I do...but I don't. I know my insecurities fairly well.. they are a distinct part of me, my definitions are very clear- I know what will set them off, and I try and not blame others when they are set off. Hence, no drama.

Obligatory-end syndrome? Don't have it. I've seen it go down far too many times. My idea of an end is not an end...You will, inevitably--and through no fault of yours or anyone elses--end up where you should end up. Imagining and depending on and end will only get you in trouble..even if you do it subconsciously. I ask myself, What do I want from this person? My answer should be nothing at all. But not negatively-- I mean, how could I want anything else? You should be happy with the person you choose to like/kiss/etc etc...not expecting/obligating more. Now, this doesn't mean you're meak and weak etc etc....It means you understand their weaknesses, you know they will hold your hand through where you're going, you want their happiness before yours, you don't stop believing in them, they pull their share, and so forth. At fourteen or at 104, its all the same: Love people, they'll love you back. Be smart about who you choose to share your self with, they'll appreciate it. Don't hold things against people. Have no grey area- Make sure that he or she wakes up and has faith in you.


Yes... I really, at the end of the day, may fool myself into knowing something. But I don't pretend to know anything at all--- all i know is what i know from where i stand.

and I don't like little girls who toy with my brother's emotions.